And now it’s Christmas…  panic.

As we all settle in after a l-o-n-g Thanksgiving weekend, one in which I realized this morning no the elliptical that the fourth helping of delicious chestnut stuffing was so not necessary, a few thoughts on Turkey Weekend:

Um, too much turkey or too much vodka?


Anytime you hear someone say, “Shit, I cut that wrong.”, it’s not a good thing.  Neither is, “Nothing you could’ve done would’ve ever pleased my mother.”

Drinking beer with old friends at Jersey bars is a great idea.  Doing vodka shots with your brother-in-law’s family after Thanksgiving dinner…  maybe not.

The little lights get harder and harder to freaking put up each year.

How I Really Spent My Turkey Day Weekend.



I had intended to end this post with apologies to Ken Levine, and a full live-blog review of Macy’s NBC Thanksgiving Day Parade.  However, cauliflower needed to be cooked, invitations stuffed, and bloody marys made, so here’s the partial live-blog:

9:15 Funnyman Jimmy Fallon sings, says the announcer.  Uh, when did we all agree the word ‘funnyman’ could precede Jimmy Fallon?

9:16 Shoot, the Macy’s NBC clip-fest is getting to me.  Dead icons shilling for a dead icon, on a dead icon.

9:17 A commercial for Old Dogs.  Independent film is alive and well.  Damn you, Robin, You’re better than this!  This is what gave you the heart attack!

9:18 Parenthood commercial.  Poor Maura Tierney; ah, as Jiminy Glick would say, “… that’s the business of show.”

9:23 I love you, Roundabout, but John Stamos as Dick Van Dyke?!  Are ya kidding me?!

9:24 I did musicals in high school that had better production values than this.

9:26 Jesus, this production number is finally over.

9:33 Oh my God, the ugliest actress is apparently starring in Billy Eliot, in a warmed-over Fosse number.  She’d be booted out of Hollywood.

9:35 In the present economic climate, this year’s Hess truck is a doublewide trailer for the family to live in.

9:36 Sweet God Meredith Viera…  it’s Thanksgiving on MILF Island!

9:37 The computer animation of NYC still includes advertising.  I love you, television!

9:38 The Biggest Loser woman is telling me to get rid of Turkey Day leftovers.  You know what, lady?  Go fuck yourself:

9:40 It’s not fair putting a cancer-ridden girl next to Jennifer Aniston.  No one looks good next to Jennifer Aniston.  Also, I think I remember seeing this commercial last year…  how do I know her cancer hasn’t returned?  (Okay, express train to hell.)

9:42 Hey, it’s NBC’s Rashida Jones…  hey, I wish my father was Quincy Jones!

9:44 Wait a moment, hasn’t Shrek the Musical been cancelled?!  And is the Monkees’ “I’m A Believer” really in the show?!  Oh, lovely Sutton Foster…  you better be making beacoup de bucks.

9:48 Ah, a commercial for the Winter Olympics!  Hey NBC, that’ll save you!

9:51 Is there anything more New York than nailing a Rockette?

9:54 Disney / Pixar’s Up is on Blue-Ray DVD.  Um, Santa?!

9:55 An all-military audience is being forced to spend Thanksgiving with Jay Leno?  Shoot, just ship ‘em back to Iraq and be done with it.

9:56 The largest consumption of helium is the U.S. Government.  There’s gotta be a joke here somewhere.


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