Pinheads

Bouncing around the Inter-webs, on sites like Deadline Hollywood.com, The Daily Beast and Gawker.TV, are terrifically entertaining clips from David Letterman and Jimmy Kimmel on the late-night debacle.  (Jimmy Fallon is not terrifically entertaining, and Jay ‘Big Jaw’ Leno is not entertaining at all.)  But much like Letterman totally owning his own scandal, no one’s been funnier than Conan (his monologues have been truly funny, the appearance by Kenneth the Page excellent).  And does anyone really watch late-night shows other than Inter-web clips now?  But the crazy thing, of course this is all helping Conan (here he plays “Deal or No Deal” with Howie Mandel).

So, without further ado, we take you to beautiful downtown Burbank (sincere apologies to the late, great Johnny Carson)…

NBC Network Executive Pinhead # 1.  Holy crap, all of a sudden people care about NBC!  Nobody’s talking about Letterman screwing Katie Couric—

Bring back this guy!

Pinhead # 2.  Uh, I don’t think that’s quite right.

Pinhead # 1.  Okay, sorry.  Julie Chen.

Pinhead # 2.  Jesus!  That’s somebody else.

Pinhead # 1.  The thing is, Conan’s numbers are spiking, the Inter-webs are furious, all of a sudden people love Conan.  And they love Jay.

Pinhead # 7.  But Jay’s not funny.

Pinhead # 1.  What’re we gonna do?

Pinhead # 2.  What if we move “Friday Night Lights” to 12:05, Richard?  That’s a criminally under watched show.

Maybe Conan can host this?

Pinhead # 3.  You know who’d be good as the host of “The Tonight Show”?  Chevy Chase.  He’ on NBC, and he’s funny.

Pinhead # 2.  But Jay should always host “The Tonight Show”!

Pinhead # 7.  Um, yeah…  he’s not funny.

Pinhead # 2.  Why don’t we just build a time machine and get Letterman?

Pinhead # 4.  Build a time machine?  That’s insane.  We can’t even build a new sitcom.  That “Modern Family,” that’s good stuff.

Pinhead # 1.  People!  Focus!  Jay wants 11:35 back, Conan won’t move to 12:05, and sooner or later America’s going to realize Jimmy Fallon’s a hack.  What are we going to do?

Pinhead # 2.  And what about Carson Daly?

Pinhead # 1.  Who’s Carson Daly?  Isn’t he a golfer?

Pinhead # 2.  He’s on our network!

Pinhead # 3.  We have a network?  Cool.  Do we air “CSI”?

Pinhead # 1.  No.

Pinhead # 3.  “CSI: Miami”?

Pinhead # 1.  No.

Pinhead # 3.  “CSI: Los Angeles”?

Pinhead # 1.  No.

Pinhead # 3.  Are you kidding me?  What’s the fracking point of having a network?

Pinhead # 1.  We’ve got a show about a bunch of a cappella choirs competing.

From the pinheads who bring you this...

Pinhead # 3.  You’re kidding me…

Pinhead # 4.  Jay’s been very good to us, he’s made us a lot of money, we royally screwed up by moving him to 10 pm…

Pinhead # 7.  But he’s really unfunny.

Pinhead # 2.  Boy, you’d think we would’ve seen this coming again.  What do we do?

Pinhead # 1.  Maybe Jay can do something else?  Does he want to co-host “The Biggest Loser”?

Pinhead # 2.  “Deal or No Deal”?

Pinhead # 3.  “Meet the Press”?

Pinhead # 1.  Seriously, who the hell is Carson Daly?  Is he a lesbian actress?

Pinhead # 2.  Well, thank the Winter Olympics are February 12th.

Pinhead # 1.  Can Jay host those?

Pinhead # 2.  No, we got Bob Costas and Padma Lakshmi.

Yup, she should host everything.

Pinhead # 1.  Color commentary?

Pinhead # 2.  Betty White.

Pinhead # 1.  Well, I’m out of ideas.  Any idea how to end this sketch?

Pinhead # 2.  Oh, this is a  drawn-out sketch about NBC on a small blog.  No one’s reading.

Pinhead # 1.  Perfect!  We can have Jay host this blog!

Pinhead # 2.  Excellent idea.  Let’s bring him out.

TELEVISION’S JAY LENO WALKS OUT.

Jay Leno.  Hey, uh, how ya doin’, buddy?  Thanks for reading, thanks for being here, yeah.  So, uh, welcome to “This Way To The Egress”.  Egress, huh, what is that, what Mark McGwire was juicing up with?

Pinhead # 7.  See what I mean?

As Jay continues, a tear trickles down Pinhead # 1’s cheek:

Pinhead # 1.  You’re right, he’s not funny.

Addendum:  The Inter-webs move fast.  There’s a ‘Team Conan’ and an ‘I’m With Coco’ movement already.

It's the new "Hope" poster.

Pinhead # 1

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