NBC = TLC

Live, from the lovely island of Grand Cayman St. Thomas Hawaii Aruba comes a new blog post!  (We could’a called it Preening Peacocks: Part Deux.)

Are you watching NBC’s latest entry in the 10 pm sweepstakes?  No, it’s not Conan O’Brien on a very special edition of Fear Factor, it’s the new reality / game show / panel discussion program from creator Jerry Seinfeld, The Marriage Ref, in which couples air their arguments on a third-place cable broadcast network.  Here’s a bit of a review.

INT.  SUBURBAN LIVING ROOM – DAY

An average American couple, wearing jeans, sweatshirts and sneakers, munching their combined caloric intake of nine bazillion, watch NBC’s The Marriage Ref.

Hi. We here at NBC used to show this.

WIFE.  Honey, are you watching this?

HUSBAND.  (surfing ESPN and porn web sites)  Yup.  It’s good.  I love that David Spade.

WIFE.  No, no, honey, this is NBC’s The Marriage Ref.

HUSBAND.  (looks up at the TV)  Holy shit, NBC is still on the air?!

WIFE.  It’s moderately funny funny, though I don’t know what it is.  It’s not a sitcom, but it’s about domesticity;  it’s not a reality show, but there are ugly, regular people on it;  it’s not a game show, but someone wins a prize.  Huh.  It does have Tom Papa as the host.

HUSBAND.  Oh, well, Tom Papa!  Tom Papa!  Can’t miss him!  Who the hell’s he?

WIFE.  He’s the marriage ref on The Marriage Ref.

HUSBAND.  Wait, what are we even talking about?

WIFE.  It’s a kind of amusing, far too long show where couples go on TV, pitch their arguments, and Tom Papa makes the call.  Meanwhile, celebrities say mildly funny things about them, depending, really, on who the celebrity is.

And this.

HUSBAND.  Oh, like which celebrities?

WIFE.  Alec Baldwin.

HUSBAND.  Wanna drink with him.

WIFE.  Eva Longoria Parker.

HUSBAND.  Wanna fuck her.

WIFE.  Tina Fey.

HUSBAND.  Both.

WIFE.  We should go on the show, settle our arguments.

HUSBAND.  Oh, that’s easy.  We don’t have any of those.

WIFE.  Our petty disputes.

HUSBAND.  Nope, none of those either.  You’re perfect.  (beat)  And me?

WIFE.  Um…  we should go on.  It’s got that ethnic-cute Natalie Morales!

HUSBAND.  Wanna fuck her.

WIFE.  And legendary sportscaster Marv Albert!

HUSBAND.  Yes!  Wanna have a drink with him.

WIFE.  And even a cameo from the magician David Blaine.

HUSBAND.  Yeah, neither with him.

WIFE.  Honey, I want to go on the marriage ref!  It’ll be fun!  You never let me do anything!

HUSBAND.  No, I don’t think so.  Reality TV’s demeaning, everyone will see us fight…  you’re crazy.  As crazy as my mother.

And the greatest of all, this.

WIFE.  What?!  How dare you.  I’m going on the show!

HUSBAND.  Not with me, you’re not!

ANNOUNCER.  Tune in next week when Tom Papa has to decide whether this couple should go on NBC’s The Marriage Ref.

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One Response to “NBC = TLC”

  1. Things I Wonder About… « Wally's Blog Says:

    […] isn’t NBC’s The Marriage Ref […]

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