Reality TV

What's next, "The Biggest Loser"?

From time to time, by virtue of a little site called Actors Access, we here at This Way to the Egress like to keep our retouched little face in the performing game.  It’s how, over the years, I’ve auditioned for countless plays I didn’t get, once got splattered by a water balloon for a short flick called Assassins, and, most impressively, once fake-guffawed into a camera in a faux-apartment that was supposed to be in Seattle but was actually in Culver City, CA, all over the merry amusement of an Internet clip for a Carson Daly-hosted pilot for NBC.

It is also how I found myself on the telephone with the good people at Playboy Casting yesterday.

Now, I’ve worked nude onstage before, several years ago, in a production of The Big Funk (we’ll sidestep the obvious joke) by John Patrick Shanley.  (Information on the play is here, though, no, not that kind of information.  Sheesh.)  And when I submitted my headshot online for Playboy Casting, I thought, well, it’s a headshot, how much trouble can I get in?

On the telephone with Ebony (yup, that’s her real name) from Playboy Casting, the answer is apparently a wee bit of trouble.  The set-up of this particular reality show is that they hook a young, hot guy (hey, that’s me!) up with a young, hot cute girl (hey, that’s any actress willing to do this!) for an all-expenses paid, wild date night out in NYC (plus, they through in $500 cash, off the books!).  So far, so good.  Then, they take you back to the deluxe Playboy apartment, ply you with grain alcohol that you hopefully haven’t drunk since college, and film you playing games.

Um, am I too old for "The Real World"?

What kind of games?  It was suggested ‘Naked Twister’ and ‘Body-painting with Chocolate’.  (Apparently, the latter’s coming out this holiday season from Hasbro.)

But, here’s the thing:  A Tv gig is a TV gig.  As Gore Vidal once famously said, “You should never pass up the chance to be on television or have sex.”  Here, apparently, is both.

So, after the requisite questions from said casting director (What’s the wildest thing you’ve ever done? Hmm, they won’t know I’m lying…  nail a stewardess in a first-class bathroom while in air?  Which ethnicities will you not date? Umm, that’s pretty racist.), and a, yes, you guessed it, nude profile picture, we’ll be shooting the show in NYC on April 14th.

Set your TiVo.  Or not.

Wait, I don't get to wear the rabbit ears?

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2 Responses to “Reality TV”

  1. alexandria Says:

    well played, good sir. well played.

  2. Fool’s Day « Wally's Blog Says:

    […] Wally's Blog Just another WordPress.com weblog « Reality TV […]

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