“Yo! Ay! Where my bills?”

Lately, the, uh, talented cast of MTV’s Jersey Shore has taken a lot of flak, on values from the Governor, contract negotiations, and now, from The Daily Beast, on paid appearances.  Recently the, uh, accomplished cast met to asses the situation (sorry, that couldn’t be helped).





Snooki, JWoww, DJ Pauley D, the Situation and  the rest of the, uh, brilliant cast huddle around a plastic lawn table on the beach, drinking Natty Ice.

PAULEY D.  Ay, yo, look at these guns!

SITUATION.  F. those guns, dude– look at these abs!  Bam!  A six-pack that rival ‘dese beers.

JWOWW.  Hot.  Maybe we should change your nickname to Mikey Six-pack.

SITUATION.  Ay!  I don’t get it.

SNOOKI.  Would youse guys shut your pie-holes?  Now, today the agency’s got us booked into…  uh, let me see…  right, Rachel Lebiowitz’s Bat Mitzvah.

PAULEY D.  I thought we weren’t doin’ that no more…  (sad)  ‘dose girls ain’t legal.

JWOWW.  Pauley!  Do you want to remain a DJ the rest of your life?

PAULEY D.  Yes.  I need hair gel.

DJ Pauley D

JWOWW.  We need ‘da money.

SITUATION.  Ay!  What’s a Bat Mitzvah?

SNOOKI.  You mean, Oy.  A Bat Mitzvah is a beautiful religious ceremony in which a young Jewish girl comes of age.

PAULEY D.  Sweet, finally!  ‘Dis’ll be better than when the Oslen twins hit 16.

JWOWW.  You mean 18.

PAULEY D.  No, I mean 16.

SITUATION.  This Bat Mitzvah better be mad out of control–  like ‘dese abs!  Oy!  What’d up?

SNOOKI.  You guys, get it together.  If the producers fins out we’re all hiding out in Staten Island, we’re finished.

PAULEY D.  Whatevs–  it smells in that state.

JWOWW.  Shh.  Dude, they just signed the contract!

PAULEY D.  Don’t dude me.

JWOWW.  Dude, I’ll dude whoever I want!



SNOOKI.  Would you two idiots knock it off?  We’re finally famous, we need money, we don’t know how long this’ll last…

JWOWW.  What?



The Situation



SNOOKI.  Kate Gosselin, Heidi Montag…  anyone remember Colleen Haskell?

The, uh, smart cast recoils in horror.

JWOWW.  That can’t become us, right?

PAULEY D.  Dude?!

SITUATION.  Ay, I got ‘dese abs!

SNOOKI.  So shut up, and–

JWOWW.  I don’t even remember my real name.

PAULEY D.  (sad)  Dude.

SITUATION.  I have herpes.

SNOOKI.  Good to know.  Let’s focus on this Bat Mitzvah.





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