No One Is Coming to My Town but Politicians and Pumpkins

First this.

Are you kidding me?  That was my repeated, constant thought yesterday:  When I saw a large, wooden, stand-alone nutcracker in festive trimmings mingling with the Halloween costumes and candy in the local pharmacy.  When I settled into a movie theater seat to the strains of Mer-ry, Mer-ry, Mer-ry Christmas… emanating from a commercial.  When that was followed up by the strains of Santa Claus is Coming to Town beginning the trailer of the 782nd part of the Meet the Parents saga, Just Fucking Meet Everyone Already!.

Are you kidding me?

Now, I love Christmas.  I’m the guy who staples-gun the little lights onto the house, who spends the Saturday of Thanksgiving weekend getting out the invitations to the annual party, who has about, oh, 209 holiday songs in his iTunes to draw on for an annual mix–  not right by any count.

Next, this.

But we haven’t hit Halloween.  We haven’t hit Election Day!  Call me an old fashioned, grumpy, Statler-and-Waldorf, but doesn’t the “holiday” season begin when a freezing-cold Matt Lauer, a very drunk Al Roker, and a surprisingly MILF-able Meredith Vieira herald the coming of the jolly fat man into Herald Square?  I mean, are you kidding me?

So, I’m not declaring a war on Christmas, I’m just declaring on war on the premature, er–  arrival of Christmas.  Hit me with the tunes on Saturday, November 27th–  I’ll be listening, I promise.  Until then, c’mon, doesn’t anyone have any festive mid-term carols?

And, yes, then this.


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